If kisses were snowflakes I’d send you a blizzard.
I have been absent for a bit simply because I am trying to protect my heart. Since Thanksgiving I have felt very, very low. Thanksgiving was so much harder than I anticipated. And moving forward, to Christmas, makes my entire body fill with dread. This has been the hardest two weeks since Sylvia died. So apologies for my distance, emotionally and physically, as I try to at least hold my head upright through the holidays. I want to write, but emotionally, its been hard to go there. Writing has been an outlet, and one that doesn’t necessarily hurt which is good. However, the thoughts and emotions and words are constantly running through my brain at seemingly lightening speed and a snails pace all at once every second of the day. To sit down and get them out, feels like I have to forcefully regurgitate them and digging them back up, as of late, seems like too much emotionally. I am exhausted and run down and I feel like the truck that violently ran us over in August keeps just backing up and hitting the gas again and again. I do not want Christmas to happen, I am terrified and heartbroken and lost.
I appreciate anyone who reads this patience and gentleness with myself and Carlos. I will be back to a regular writing schedule within a couple days, I promise. Hugs and love. xo